The End is Really The Beginning.

Some days... I really can't understand what God's how plan is for me. I then remind myself that I'm probably better off not trying to understand what the plan is...I feel a lot better after that.

So Mom has not moved yet, she's packed a lot of stuff up. I've pretty much moved into my apartment but I have yet to stay more than a night because I'm a wuss and because I'm getting a new bed. I am going to look after work tomorrow or Thursday.

I am praying and wishing and hoping on all things that I get this job with APU. I need a new job. I can't survive on working at the bank. I refuse to get a second job because I know I can get a better paying first job! I had two interviews, both went very well and I hope to hear something tomorrow.

I am going to the gym...again. This time, I have lots of my friends who are going so that will help keep me motivated. I am finding healthy adult ways to deal with my stress. After last weekend, I realized I needed to change sometimes and how I dealt with my stress was the first on the list. Drinking away my issues was NOT the answer. I am also boycotting Shepherdstown until Homecoming. I am so over the drama, and being part of it (accidently). I was taught to surround myself with people who are better than me, so that is what I am doing! Racheal Kelly lives like two seconds from me, so I'm looking forward to seeing and spending more time with her I am also looking forward to decorating my own place, August/September is a good time to move because there is alot of things going on this time of year. I'm actually kind of excited for the Holidays. I am going to Texas for Thanksgiving (tentively) and I am going to California for Christmas(also tentively).

I am over missing what I had. I am only going to make positive changes. I am going to work through the rest of my emotional issues. I am going to be a better, positive person. I am going to make myself fix what I need to fix so ultimately I will love myself so I can FINALLY love someone else. I am motivated, and determined, I'm also aware that I will have days where I feel like I'm failing. I am strong willed and I feel like this time I have all of me in this, and I will carry on. :)

I'm also tired of just thinking of the good memories I've had. It doesnt cut it for me. I want more than just memories. I want NEW memories. So, here's whoever God chooses to put in my life. I will love him completely. Or, I will try anyway... it might take a few frogs but I am ready.

I love my life.

Back on the road to understanding me...

1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.
2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.
6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.
8. Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control.
9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.
10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.
11. Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible.
12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.