just booked my flight to california to surprise my mom. :))

no better way to spend Father's Day weekend than with my Mommy.

De Ja Fucking Vu

Yep.

I have made peace, truce, friends...with Sammi. Yeah, I know... 2 year ago... not like I thought would really would've happened... since she and I had this massive... falling out. All's well that ends well. Right?

The ex wanted to be friends. I have had some serious issues with this. As, I have never ceased to really care, I've only managed to shove all feelings to the bottom of my heart and mind. All feeling have surfaced, naturally. I pray to God that He'd take all the feelings I have, away. "I wish that I had missed the first time we'd kissed" about sums it up. It's true, if he and I had never kissed, I would never know... it's true ignorance is bliss. I wish I have never met you. I am not prepared to make cutting you out of my life permanent, I know what I want. The tables have turned, and you do not. I wisssssh, on every star and lucky number that you would just leave and never come back... I wish I hadn't seen you. I wish I have never seeeeen you. I hate that I feel with my emotions, I will always care and it's the downfall of me. I hope you know you're really missing out on a good thing.

I am tired of feeling left behind. I am tired of the marriages, and engagements. I am tired of it. Everyone says "oh, you'll have your turn..." yeah, when I"m 40? great... fuck. I hate this... no one gets it. I'm not worth it and it's rubbed in my face all the time, especially when the fake blonde gets a go at what I want... atleast, I will say, he loved me. He loved me and I shut him out, and I lost him.


Fuck.