I got alot of gift cards for Christmas so I got to go to the stores on Saturday and buy what I needed/wanted. I spent Christmas Eve at Church, it was slammed soooo many people were there then Christmas Morning I went next door and had breakfast, it was very yummy. I took a mid-day nap then I went to Rachael's aunt's for dinner, we had lasagna,meatballs, and salad, yum-o!
Chris came home, I met up with him for some coffee, holy cow he doesnt look the same as when I left him in the airport 8 months ago. It was good. I went to Mass at St. Peters today, first time since Gabe and I split. I felt really empty being there without him. Doing things without him, has been something I've avoided doing the last three months, I mean things that he and I did regularly together. I hate the void I feel. I dont know what else to do but pray and write. SO, i pray and write.
The dog kept me up last night, she didnt want to go to sleep or she woke me up with her stupid shaking and panting, I lose my temper too easily with her, but it's so frustrating. I dont know what else to do.
My busy work schedule starts tomorrow but I'm off Thurs and Friday. I am excited to be moving home Jan, and then eventually back in with Michelle in like Feb/March? I'll be sad to leave College Street but I just think it's time to say goodbye to Shepherd(stown) in general, lots of stuff to leave behind, some including Gabe. I wish I was strong enough to really go out and conquer all the memories he and I made together, but I'm not. I crumble very quickly. I thought I was just being super emotional about this whole him being gone this week but I think I'm just like this in general, I just hide it better.
It's probably time to start to say goodbye, but part of me doesnt want to. I held on for 2 years before so why does 3 months seem too long now? I'll never know, my heart knows something that it's not telling me.
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